How to; Be happier!

We all have days, weeks even, where we wake up in the morning and for whatever reason any issues we have with ourselves bubble up to the surface and all we can concentrate on is how much we dislike ourselves. Even though I try to promote body confidence and encourage people to see the beauty in themselves I still have these days myself. After all, I’m only human. The difference between now and a year ago when I suffered from terribly low confidence is the way in which I have learned to deal with it. In the past I would have let it eat me up and a day would turn into a week, a week into a month and I would be punishing myself daily for not being ‘perfect.’ I don’t like to be unhappy, nobody does, so these days I take action as soon as I can. I am more in control of my thoughts and emotions than I was before and I can’t dwell on these negative feelings and let them destroy any of the confidence I have built up. So, what do I do when I’m feeling bad about myself? I’ll share it with you. It may help you, it may not but this is what works for me.

1) Have a shower – Showering is something you should be doing anyway, I am aware of this. When I say ‘have a shower’ I mean the type where you stay in until the water runs cold (Your water never runs cold? Huh, must be my medieval system!) Wash your hair with a luxurious shampoo and conditioner, use an intensive conditioning treatment if you have time. Use body scrub and scrub the life out of your skin and follow it up by slathering on moisturiser when you are dry (I recommend absolutely anything by Soap and Glory, they smell so incredible you will want to eat them. But please don’t; I can’t imagine that would be a very good idea!) Pampering yourself makes you feel good, it makes you feel instantly better.

2) Eat better – If I have had a week where I have eaten a lot of bad food like takeaways or stodgy meals then I will inevitably feel sluggish and disgusting. I used to be hard on myself and I would feel guilty about what I had eaten but you can’t change the things that have already been done, only what you do moving forward. I’m not suggesting you go on a diet, cut any meals or dramatically reduce calories here I am suggesting switching the bad foods for the good ones. On a good day I will have porridge with fruit for breakfast, a healthy soup or chilli for lunch and grilled chicken or salmon with veg for dinner. (Tea actually, but I’ll say it the posh way.) I also snack during the day numerous times on Pro-biotic yoghurts, fruit, cereal bars and plenty of peanut butter. I do not go more than a few hours without eating something as this prevents me from getting too hungry and over eating at the next meal. The last thing I do is to make sure I am consuming enough fluids whether that is water or herbal teas. It is amazing how quickly you begin to feel better once you are eating right and maybe in the beginning it is just a placebo effect but that isn’t important, what is important is that you will start to feel good about yourself and even if you aren’t looking to lose or gain weight, eating properly is a key element in that.

3) Take your vitamins – I take Multi-vitamins and Iron daily along with Cod Liver Oil and I am also looking to add Echinacea to my daily supplements but you can take whatever you feel your body needs. Not only will you actually be helping your body by taking these supplements but it is a quick, easy step you can take that you will instantly know is making a difference and that in itself will lift your mood.

4) Exercise – You don’t have to have a gym membership or want to become a beefed up Betty/Brian but exercise is crucial in feeling better about yourself. On a day where you’re not feeling great the last thing you want to do is exercise but if you can get yourself out into the fresh air and go for a walk at least then I can guarantee you will feel better. Getting outside will give your serotonin, the happy brain chemical, levels a boost and the fresh air and cardiovascular exercise will get your blood pumping and your adrenaline rushing in a positive way. I suffer from anxiety and my Doctor told me that with exercise you are forcing your body to feel the things it feels during an anxiety attack, but it feels them in a good way and it benefits both your mind and body. As someone who has suffered with depression and has turned to exercise for help I can vouch that it actually works. Once you have completed any sort of exercise be it a long walk, a gym workout or an exercise class you instantly feel proud of yourself, you feel rewarded and you want to do it again. Feeling good about yourself is uplifting and warm and to me there is nothing more rewarding than pushing myself through a workout that I never thought I would be able to complete. (Don’t feel like exercising? Put on your favourite music and bop around with your hairbrush singing along, raising a sweat. That is what I like to call sneaky exercise!)

5) Talk to someone – Sometimes I find that a simple conversation with a friend is all it takes to lift my spirits. Your friends see the good in you more than you see it yourself and they will be more than happy to remind you how beautiful you are even if you don’t want to believe it yourself. They may be having a tough day themselves and you will be able to reassure them what you love and what they should love about themselves. Knowing that you are not alone in how you feel gives you more comfort than you can imagine, to know that everyone has bad days and you’re not going crazy can help nip the bad feelings in the bud. So don’t bottle everything up, talk to someone. Talk to me, I’m always happy to listen to anyone, to help where I can and to offer any advice. You may know me well, you may never have spoken to me before but I have time for everyone. Never feel alone in your feelings because no one is ever alone, there is so much help out there; you just have to look for it.

 

6) Stop caring what people think – Easier said than done, I know. I spent years caring what people thought about me and I wasted so much of my life because of it. These days I still struggle with wanting to be socially accepted but I try not to let it affect me like it used to. There have been a few social events lately where I have had to go alone and meet friends inside. I can’t explain to you the anxiety I feel at even just the thought of walking into a room on my own. My friends are very lovely and incredibly welcoming, I would never have to stand in the corner on my own, and as soon as I am with them I feel instantly calmed but the fear I have in the lead up is incredible.

I wish there was something I could do to change it, to stop the blood racing, heart pounding, head spinning, suffocating feeling but I haven’t found a way yet. I often suffer panic attacks for days afterwards as a result. It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? I laugh at myself often because of how my mind and my body can disagree so powerfully, like an old married couple. My mind knows from experience that I am going to be fine, that there is no need to worry about being alone and ignored because the people I associate with are far too kind for that. My body, however, still behaves like the frightened schoolgirl who was bullied because she dared to be a little different and had her own individual tastes. I don’t care so much what people think and where I would have let my anxiety force me to become a recluse in the past I won’t let it anymore. I still have panic attacks and sometimes the feeling of being suffocated is overwhelming but I force my way through it because if I don’t then I am missing out on the life I have fought so hard to gain control of. If people don’t like me, if I go to a social event and someone thinks the way I am dressed or the way I am wearing my hair is ridiculous then what does that change? Nothing at all. I can still go and enjoy myself and soon enough I forget why I was ever worried. You can’t let your demons beat you, you have to squish them down and put a lid on them or they will ruin your life. My demons are worrying what people think of me but as long as I am kind, helpful and am a good friend/sister/daughter/niece/cousin/aunty/whatever and I try my best not to be cruel, to help people feel good about themselves then there really is nothing else I can do and if people find a reason not to like me then that is their prerogative, I can’t stress myself out over finding a way to change their opinions. Sometimes people just don’t like you, that is life and it is something I am slowly but surely coming to terms with.

7) Do something for someone else – I love doing things for other people whether that is buying them a gift I know they will love, cooking them a meal, sending them a card or a message to let them know I am thinking of them or having them over and making them tea and listening to their worries. It makes them feel good and it makes me feel good. Is it a little selfish feeling good about doing something for someone else? Probably. But that isn’t my main motivation, just a bonus. I have spent so many years of my life feeling depressed and the moment I admitted it and a swarm of people came to my aid I began to get better. Sometimes hearing someone say ‘It is going to be hard but it is going to be ok and I am here for you.’ Is all you need and if I can be there for my friends and family in even the smallest of ways then I will be. If I can add even the smallest of shimmers of sunshine into the life of someone who didn’t think they could smile that day then that is what I will do.

Those are the things I do to help myself feel good, to drag myself out of my funk. They may not work for everyone but they work for me. Having listed them I also have a couple of ‘things you should definitely avoid doing’ that you may think will make you feel better but in the long run I find only serve to make you feel worse. (I’m speaking from personal experience!)

1) Do not spend money! – We’ve all been there; we have a bad day and we feel awful so we go on a spending spree, retail therapy we call it. We buy clothes, makeup, food, books, pictures, gifts for friends – whatever we can get our hands on. I have done this on so many occasions I have lost count. Quite recently I had a blip where I was feeling low and I did the usual; reached for my bank card and spent more money than I could afford. This is a huge issue I have and one I am trying to address because nothing good ever comes of it. I buy a dress I can’t afford and I feel happy for a moment. As soon as I leave the shop, however, I already feel terrible. I push the feelings away and I go and buy some shoes to go with the dress, perhaps some new jewellery and nail varnish too and what about that new lip stain I saw advertised? I get home and my bank account is emptier than I care to admit with the results spread across my bed, silently judging me. I bought the outfit to make myself feel good but in knowing that I have spent money I didn’t have whenever I wear the clothes I will be reminded how irresponsible I have been. I am fully aware that this issue relates to my need to look and feel good, to my worries about not being accepted by society but I’m working on it.

Spending money will not make you feel better, at least not for long. Avoid doing it like the plague; leave your bank card at home and take only the cash you need for the day. Having saved money you would have normally spent on a spree is far more rewarding then having a pretty dress but being unable to eat for a week or pay the bills.

2) Try not to mope – In the past I was the Queen of the mopers; I knew how to string out a bad mood and I was an expert at knowing how to stay down in the dumps. I have a problem where I tend to over think things; what people say, what they write, what they are thinking, what I am thinking, why I am thinking it. As an ex-moper I can tell you something from experience, it gets you nowhere.

There is a difference between moping and being sad about a continuing situation or a life changing event and I’m not one of those ignorant people who would tell a depressed person to ‘just be happy’ but you have to learn to distinguish between the things that are going to affect your life and the things that aren’t. I am harassed relentlessly online, comments on my blog, fake accounts adding me on Facebook and Twitter and messaging me and lately the majority of my Facebook pictures being reported as pornography. I used to let this type of thing bother me, I would get upset or angry and I would dwell on the negative feelings. Now, however, I don’t care enough to even say I find it funny. I have made my profile as private as I can and the latest picture to be reported was my profile picture, probably the only picture anyone who isn’t on my friends can see. I find this comforting because now I know that the person who has chosen to harass me, to take time out of their day to do something as silly as report a Facebook picture isn’t in my circle of friends and that I can trust the people I associate with. It doesn’t matter if they continue to harass me because I obviously don’t know them and they don’t know me. As I said before, as long as I am being the best person I can be then the people that dislike me don’t matter. If I’m not going out of my way to hurt someone then there’s nothing I can change so why give it any time in my thoughts? You can’t please everyone, that’s life.

I’d love to hear your suggestions on what you do to make yourself feel better and any advice on the things we should all really avoid, things that will make us feel worse. The best thing about the human race is our ability to discuss ideas and to help others so let’s do it, let’s help each other out because no one should have to feel bad, no one should dislike themselves. I know hearing other peoples experiences helped me massively with my recovery and I hope I can do the same not only by sharing my tips and ideas but encouraging other people to do the same.